下面是《中华人民共和国中外合资经营企业法》的英译本中的一些例子,我们不妨一起探讨一下改进之道。

 

​一、.避免多余词汇

法律翻译之所以拖沓累赘,原因是多方面的，首先一条就是多余词汇充斥,例如:

1.A joint venture shall have a board of directors which shall have its size and composition stipulated in the contract ...

2.Disputes arising between the parties … may be settled through …

3.Each party to a joint venture may make its investment ... in industrial property rights, etc.

4.The proportion of the investment .. by the foreign joint venture shall generally not be less than 25% of the registered capital of a joint venture.

例1的“size” 已经包含在下文“composition"一词之中——说明了董事会的“composition”, “size”也就在其中、不言而喻了。例2的“arising” 并没有使意思更确切,仅“between”-词就够用了。至于例3,则“industrial property rights" 中的“rights”是不必用的:“industrial property" 即“工业产权”,却被外行误解为“工业产”了一其实 此处虽无“nights”-词,却已有“rights”之意了 。例4中的“The proportion of"亦与此同病,因为“proportion”的意思已经由下文“25%”表达出来了，此句可改成:A foreign joint venture's investment shall, as a rule, not be less than 25% of the registered capital of the venture.

二、名词代词灵活替换

造成拖沓累赘的另一原因，则是汉语往往不嫌同一名词重复出现，而英语则于同样场合往往好用代词,以收简洁明了之效,例如:

1.The Chinese Government protects ... the investment of foreign joint ventures … pursuant to the agreement, contract and articles of association approved by the Chinese Government.

2. ... the People 's Republic of China permits foreign companies ... to incorporate themselves, within the territory of the People’s Republic of China, into joint ventures with Chinese companies ...

3.The joint venture agreement:... shall be submitted to the Foreign Investment Commission of the People's Republic of China, and the commission shall ...

以上三例中再度出现的名词,均可改为代词,以收简洁之效:

1'... contract and articles of association it has approved.

2'... within her territory, into joint ventures with Chinese companies...

3'The joint venture agreement... shall be submitted to the Foreign Investment Commission of the People's Republic of China, which shall…

不过,有个逆向的类似现象，值得附带指出一有时不用代词而改用专有名词,反而能收简洁之效:

1.The technology ... must ... suit Our country’s needs.10 'The technology…must…suit China’s needs.

当然,把“our country's"改成“China's" ,不仅出于简洁的要求,而且也是考虑到在法律条文中用“our country"不如用“China”得体的原故。

三、采用恰当的文字结构

最后,必须指出:简洁与累赘,往往也取决于结构。当然，以上所述行文拖沓的两种表现及其改进之道，不能说与结构无关。问题是:采用不当的文字结构,也是行文拖沓的一个主要原因。例如:

甲.动宾结构与名词结构之转换.

1.Each party…may make its investment in cash…

1' Each party…may invest cash ...

2.Any application for such extension shall be made…

2'Such extension shall be applied for ...

乙.主动结构与被动结构之选用

1.The contract period of a joint venture may be agreed upon between the parties to the venture ..

1' Parties to a joint venture shall agree on its contract period.

丙.异干异枝结构与同干多枝结构之抉择

1.The period may be extended upon expiration through agreement between the parties, subject to authorization by the Foreign Investment Commission ...

1'The period may be extended upon expiration through agreement between the parties, subject to authorization by the Foreign Investment Commission ...

丁.“形容词(定语)+介词短语(状语)”结构与名、形复合结构之斟酌

1.…advanced technology by world standards…

1'…world- -advanced technology ...

戊.“从句”与“非从句”结构之转换

2.… such extension shall be made six months before the expiration

of the contract. .

2'…such extension shall be made six months before the contract

expires.

3.A joint venture that possesses advanced technology ... may apply

for

3'A joint venture with advanced technology ... may apply for ... 

 

（文章来源：译问 https://www.qidulp.com/article/p/4117）